I’m back.

For real this time, maybe? I don’t know. 

I feel the urge to blog, as opposed to just “journaling.” To me, there is a distinction. I tend to get much more personal and mundane in journaling, and I keep those monotonous ramblings confined to LiveJournal. There, I get whiney and deeply intimate with my ramblings. When “blogging,” I always want to be more objective about the goings-on of my daily life. And I feel the urge to be more meaningful. Which is probably why I keep abandoning this blogging attempt. Because I fail at being meaningful. 

So much has changed in the past year, and so little at the same time. 

My foray into finding employment in Texas did not work out and so I returned to Louisiana and minimum wage mediocrity. I work as a desk clerk at a mediocre motel chain. Work myself practically to death, actually. For nearly the last six months, I’ve been racking up overtime – generally only having one day off every two to three weeks. It is good financially, as I barely break even, even with the extra hours. Physically and psychologically? Exhausting. It is not a hard job, really, but it does tend to be stressful. Especially recently. Especially when most of my coworkers are burned out, despite the fact that they actually have days off. I just don’t have it in me to not care. I wish I did.

I am recently not single. My first “official” relationship in over two years. My first attempt in two years at a real emotional connection with someone who lives less than six hours away. I had forgotten what this was like. And I had forgotten that I am terrified of commitment. I am trying to work around it. It’s hard though. Made harder still by circumstances. I am dating a boy who is five years my junior. A boy who is the younger brother of my very first boyfriend (though we have in recent months “voided” that relationship on the grounds that it was so long ago). It is even more complicated than I will bother relaying in graphic detail at this time. 

COMPLICATED. Why must everything be so? Eh. C’est la vie, right?

I have plans for this blog this time around. Plans to actually SAY something or do something or just put myself out there. I’ve updated my 20SB account, in hopes of becoming more active there. I should be more social online, considering the amount of time that I spend attached to my computer, phone, etc. I am always plugged-in. Sometimes I think it would be nice to unplug, disengage, for a while, but really, what a lonely life that would be.

I am tired, and while it is not quite late, I think I shall turn in for now. But this is a step, and later there will be another, and perhaps shortly this blog and I shall be strolling along together hand-in-hand.